Distortion; Your Child Is Bad And You Should Feel Bad.

JOE'S TOP FIVE CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME (in no particular order)

#4. The Magnetic Fields - Mr. Mistletoe

OK - technically, this is not one of my top five Xmas songs of all time. It's nice enough, but it doesn't do much, and it's a bit mopey even by my standards. It's only really in this list so I can bang on about Distortion, the album it's taken from, which I've been a bit obsessed with recently.

Download it - or better yet, buy it.

It's a concept album, and the gimmick's in the title: every instrument played on every song on this album is wreathed in wheezing, delerious distortion. It sounds stupid, but it works, and it gives a sort of woozy coherence to what might otherwise be quite an eclectic little set. Stephen Merritt's lyrics are as good as ever: "Sober, life is a penance / shit-faced, it is a blessing" kicks off the acapella intro of the riotously depressing "Too Drunk To Dream". Other highlights are gay voodoo sex ballad "Zombie Boy", which is just fucking disgusting; "Old Fools", which creaks and groans (like old bones) under the weight of its own prettiness; and "Courtesans", a closing track that could make a stone cry. It shimmers, this album. I like it a lot.

Anyway, I've got Parents Evenings (first time ever) for the next two days. Should be interesting. Have to dress up a bit, give a good impression (I've washed my nice shirts and jumpers, and I'm even tempted to give my shoes a polish. I feel worryingly grown-up). It's conducted in Spanish, which is a bit worrying; most of my practical Spanish so far has been used to buy things, so it'll be fun to see how I adapt to telling parents their kid is great/boring/evil. Words to brush up on: "work", "attitude", "difficulties", "effort", "progress", "mopey little arse-face". This last hurdle to get over, and it's the work do on Friday. Odds of seeing the bosses drunk: 2/1 on, from what I've heard. Fun!